you know those days.
the days when when you wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and wish you saw anything else? When even you pj’s make you look enormous, and you suddenly want to crawl out of your own skin?
Ok, well you know those days when you don’t feel like that?
For 22 years, I have been waiting for my life to start. I have been looking at magazines, making mental fashion notes for “the day I can wear that”. I have been holding back on being entirely me, because who likes the loud, weird, fat girl in leggings? I have watched thinner friends try on each others tiny dresses, as I tripple check that I cut the tag out of my dress so no one will see that its says Torrid. I have though of what I would do in almost every situation, if I were thin, if I didn’t have to worry about how fat that would make me look, or how everyone might see my stomach —and then I usually did the opposite. I made the man I am totally in love with feel unwanted because of my insecurities about myself. I avoided going anywhere that meant too much walking, because I was embarrassed of how much I would sweat/my legs would chafe, while I was studying abroad—I might have had a life changing experience. Instead I had a great summer.
I realized something recently. If I am ever going to know anything else, I have to so something serious. Something that I have never done: I have to keep going.
So that’s it. That’s all I’m promising. I will not stop. Even if I stumble, or fall, or bust ass completely, I will not stop trying. I will not stop starting over when I mess up. I will not let myself live like this, in this body. I will not keep making myself hollow promises. I will not keep waiting for my life to start.
I don’t have anything figured out, and I’m still scared as hell. But I guess my new motto is ‘fake it till you make it’, because right now that is taking every once of me.
I’m going to get my life together. I’m going to accomplish everything I’ve ever dreamed of doing. I’m going to do great things. I’m going to make a difference, a change in the world. I’m going to meet incredible people and I’m going to produce meaningful work. I’m going to harness my passion, my creativity, and my mind to be all that I want to be. I’m fully capable of doing whatever it is that I set my mind to, no matter the obstacle in my way or the scope of my ambition. I’m going to realize my dreams and meet my goals. I’m going to be the very best Me that I can be. It’s about damn time.
originally by thinslimbeautiful.tumblr.com
actually….. it’s originally by me (on my old blog http://fabulousloser.tumblr.com/post/518573844) :)
some actual tips from last week’s weight watchers meeting…
greek yogurt has more protein than regular!
sugar free jam has less calories!
water makes you feel full!
it’s hard to give up your favorite foods!
…..i think i need to find a different meeting. but this week, it’s the most convenient time, so i’ll be back soon with more golden nuggets of weight loss help!
I’m the first to admit it, I like attention. I acted in middle and high school, I am the first to volunteer to give a presentation, I loved speech class. Basically, I like the sound of my own voice. Well I’m also a writer. The combination of the two means I LOVE LOVE LOVE it when people read (and like) what I write. I never understand people who hate having their papers read by anyone other than the teacher. My theory: I worked hard on it, I think it’s pretty fucking good, so read that shit! Last year, when I first started blogging, I had another blog (fabulousloser.tumblr.com). And while I didn’t really do anything too spectacular over there, I wrote one thing that got tons of reblogs and likes. I know thats not what this is all about, obviously, but its pretty nice that people think something you wrote was good/inspirational. Well when I started this blog, every once and a while I would come across this particular bit I wrote. And every time I do, I just want to yell, “I actually wrote that, guys! me!”, because I’m four. I know. I can’t help it, the writer in me needs credit for my work. A combination of that and the fact that I just really love what I wrote, I made it much cuter.
(P.s. I’m not delusional. I don’t think that everyone is out there passing around my shit. But as an unpublished English major, having a few hundred people read, and like, something I wrote is big for me! lol )
trying to get back my appetite after a stomach bug caused my to be balls deep in the toilet for three days…
not gonna lie, isn’t the worst problem to have.
I, Chelsea Christine, do solemnly swear that today, March 9, 2011, will be the last time ever ever ever that I start over.
After trying many different things, I’m going back to old faithful: Weight Watchers. That’s how I lost weight the first time, that’s how I’m going to lose again.
Try as I might to find something
different easier, I realized (yet again) that the only way to really do this is to just….fuckin eat healthier and exercise more. Duh.
So you guys are all my witnesses. No more, “I’ll start _____ on Monday”, no more “day one”s, no more starting over. From now on, I’m doing it. No stopping, no going back. I’m like the little engine that fucking could.